My hair journey as a coily haired (4c) girl

To say that my relationship with my very coily hair (4c) has been complicated over the years is an understatement. Looking back, to as far as my memory can go, I’ve always known that my hair wasn’t particularly “easy” to deal with. I’ve known this ever since I was a toddler. Back then I dreaded getting my hair braided because, to simply put it, the experience was painful. No matter how much I contorted my body or sighed (and occasionally cried), there was no going around the pain. Very early I learned that if I wanted to look pretty there was a price to pay.

Beauty and Pain

The way my mother handled my hair was probably the same way her hair had been handled by my grandmother when she was a child, and is likely exactly the same way my grandmother’s hair was handled by her mother, so I can’t blame her. It wasn’t out of malice. After all, you can’t know what you don’t know.

But then something magical would happen at the end of every session. When looked at myself in the mirror, I felt beautiful. I loved the fresh braids/cornrows so much that I’d practically live in front of the mirror for hours. And that’s when I learned a lesson that most women are familiar with: “Beauty is pain”. No one taught this to my tiny 2-3 year old self (not with words at least), but it was back then that I learned that beauty was in a very messed up way intimately connected with pain.

Today, with a few decades on my back and a lot more perspective, I know better. I know that beauty (and in particular hair beauty) does not have to walk side by side with pain.

My 3 year old self with an updo (a style my mother probably chose because dealing with my hair was no walk at the park)

Growing up with 4C hair

Fast forward a few years to when I was 10 or so, and I already knew the basics about how to take care of my hair - how to wash it, comb it and do basic braids. And I was curious about all that…I loved practicing my braiding techniques on my dolls and or little friends and cousins, when they’d let me.

But a life changing event took place when I was 10. I moved from my home country (Mozambique) to Europe and before I moved my family thought that I should get my hair relaxed because, according to them, it would make my hair a little more “manageable”.

Side note: I moved alone because I was to attend a boarding school, so for the first time, I was going to take care of my hair completely alone. Their intention was good and I was over the moon after I got my hair relaxed. If only I knew then, what I know now.

Back then I didn’t know the first thing about how to properly maintain relaxed hair and I for sure had no insight of the harmful effects relaxers have on the health (scalp burns, hormonal disruption, respiratory issues, just to name a few). My hair would, of course, constantly look unhealthy and it would break over and over again…but I kept relaxing my hair for approximately 10 years.

The move to Europe also awakened in me some negative feelings connected to my hair that I’d never felt before. I looked so different from the majority of the people around me that I started feeling insecure about my looks (and my hair, of course). To add insult to injury, now and then I’d hear - mostly from other black women by the way - that my hair was too thick, coarse and difficult to deal with. And this would happen at black hair salons!

While, as I child, I had loved my hair despite all the pain and tears, my experience as a teenager was the opposite. All of a sudden I found myself exposed to a standard of beauty that was so impossible to reach that I would willingly go through very unhealthy lengths just so that I could get closer to an impossible standard - like intentionally let the hair relaxer sit on my hair for a few extra-minutes, and literally burning my scalp.

Breaking the cycle

As time went by, I kept falling in and out of love with my hair. At 23 I went natural for the first time in 13 years, then at some point I relaxed my hair again, then back to natural - you get the drill, right?. In between I got box braids, weaves and wigs and everything else, but no matter what I did one thing was a constant: my hair would somehow end up damaged, brittle, dry, with split ends... Like clockwork, it would grow up to about the bra strap length and then it would break off again. Every single time I would get frustrated, chop it and start again. What was I doing wrong?

I wanted things to change. I wanted my hair to thrive and shine and along the way this wish became my passion “project”. I made it my mission to put in all the time and effort to understand my hair and I ended up finding out a large community of women online who would selflessly share their journeys - with all the ups and downs that look so similar to mine, offering tips and tricks that help all the coily and curly haired girls out there . They showed me that, when it comes to hair, it is possible to achieve beauty and health without having to rely on pain.

Where am I today?

I am happy to report that today I love my very coiled hair. But I had to learn how to love my hair and that’s not what I want other coily haired girls to experience!

Thankfully, the hair care industry for textured hair has evolved and grown tremendously over the last few decades. Today we have a variety of hair products for the different hair types and textures, especially for those of us with coily hair, which make our lives a lot easier. But, if you have textured hair, especially if it’s within the 4C-4B realm, you probably know that products alone aren’t enough to get the job done. Proper hair care also requires knowledge, patience and, in my opinion, a good amount of self love.

This is exactly what my journey has taught me and the reason why I felt so compelled to create this website. I want to use this space to share all the knowledge I have with my fellow coily and curly haired girls.

Welcome  and I hope you enjoy the ride!